An Open Letter to My Daughter

Dearest Amethyst,

My girl, you have changed me quite completely. Where do I even begin? I spent nine months sharing my body with you, creating you, nourishing and loving you before ever officially meeting you. Being pregnant with you was an incredible journey, definitely the most empowering experience as a woman and an artist. I never stopped dancing, never stopped working, actually I created some of my strongest work while carrying you. You filled me with so much energy and inspiration, as well as confidence. I never felt more beautiful. People would constantly compliment me on my glow. I truly felt stunning and wanted to share how you made me feel and looked, with everyone. Your dad and I stirred up some feelings on the web with our pictures and videos we’d post while I was pregnant. But overall we received so much love! Love by the masses, by people from all parts of the world. They already loved you and anticipated your arrival. You brought us all so much joy, and you weren’t even here yet! You broke my water on your due date which I thought was so crazy, I was convinced you’d be late by at least a week, but you were precisely on time! Twenty-one hours of labor; the nervous anticipation of your arrival, in the midst of so much pain and anxiety. Fear of the unknown; not knowing what to think or expect once we met. When it was time for me to push you out, you ended up doing most of the work! I couldn’t believe how strong and determined you were to be born! My heart would skip beats every time I felt you push yourself further down. I was so scared! My mind flying, I could barely catch my breath I was so nervous. But the moment you were resting on my chest and our eyes locked, it was as if none of the fear had ever existed. It felt as if I’d known you my entire life. I felt a comfort and love so deep and familiar as if you’d been here all along. A feeling so magical and indescribable it was as if time stopped. I was totally enamored of you. I had experienced unconditional love for the first time, and every day since then. It’s been two months to the day since I brought you into this world and let me make it very clear to you, you are the GREATEST thing to ever happen to me, Amethyst. You are the most ultimate blessing I have ever received, the greatest gift, my biggest accomplishment and the love of my life. I need you to know how grateful I am for you. You were brought to me at a time where I had almost given up on love, and myself. Mommy battled many inner demons then, but with the power of your love and existence within me, I was able to conquer them one by one and have been doing so ever since. I thank you from the depths of my soul for restoring love in my heart and my life. You gave me purpose to carry on and to be a better version of myself. Some days are more challenging than others. Some days I am more tired than others. Some days I struggle with confidence in being your mommy. I obsess about whether or not I’m doing a good job. I completely obsess over you; if you’re eating enough, whether or not you’re happy, comfortable, clean, healthy, alive. Some days I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect for you, and I feel so guilty if I get frustrated with you when I’m sleep deprived and you won’t stop crying 4 o’clock in the morning. But I push through and take care of you the best way I can because that’s what being a mother is. You are worth every single sleepless night, each day we spend together getting to know each other, growing a deeper bond, is worth it all. Oh my God when you look at me with those big blue eyes filled with so much love, it overwhelms me to the point of tears. I love you so so so much more than I ever thought I was capable of loving someone. You are my soulmate and my best friend. You are my everything. I am going to do my best in raising you into the goddess you were sent here to be. I will be here to catch if ever you feel like you’re falling. I will guide you and protect you to the best of my ability. I will be with you even if I am not with you.

I love you Amethyst. I adore you! I thank God for you.

The Love of My Entire Life.

Portraits by David-Simon Dayan

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